With Skyfall dropping in theaters in just a few weeks, along with the 50th anniversary of the James Bond series, a close friend and fellow film nerd, Brandon Peters, has generously offered to do a comprehensive review of the entire 007 film franchise. Today is the twentieth entry, with a full review of one of the worst films in the franchise, Die Another Day. I hope you enjoy what is a pretty massive feature leading up the November 9th release of Skyfall. I'll do my best to leave my two-cents out of it. But just because I'm stepping aside doesn't mean you should. Without further ado...Die Another Day
I’m Mr. Kil
Okay, so I’m starting a little early, but I have to mentionthis. This moment is so horrible. Bond gets out of his car and this big goon bythe side of the road just awkwardly and out of place says this to him. FOR NO REASON. Bond doesn’t acknowledge the guy oranything. Its almost very “I liketurtles” variety. And seriously? Mr. Kil? That’s like calling Oddjob ‘Mr. Hat’. Or Red Grant “Blonde Strong”. Orcalling Jaws…uh…oh…well…”Giant Metal Mouth Biting Man”.
STATS
Ridiculous. If I wereto describe Die Another Day with justone word, that’s what I would choose. Bond’s 20th film, released on his 40th anniversaryfeatures poor direction, performance and much absurdity with an overabundanceof call backs (some obvious and some very Where’s Waldo-ish). Like the other long tenured Bonds, RogerMoore and Sean Connery, before him, Pierce Brosnan bows out on an obvious subpar entry and one of the worst films of the series. Funny, both Pierce and Sean left off withdiamond related satellite-laser beam plots by madmen who are having DNAreconstruction done to change faces.
Die Another Day’splot resembles the book Moonrakermore than the film of that name. Afterbeing set up and taken in to North Korean captivity, Bond is released inexchange for terrorist Zao. Anassassination happens shortly after, making MI:6 suspect that under extremetorture, 007 has given up top secret information to the North Koreans. Stripped of his license to kill, James Bondgoes on a hunt to find out who set him up. Aided along the way by NSA agent Jinx, Bond’s investigation leads him toBritish billionaire Gustav Graves. Graves has built the satellite Icarus, intended to provide sunshine forcrops year round. But alas, Graves isactually General Moon, whom Bond thought he killed at the opening of thefilm. Moon has gone through complete DNAreconstruction and taken the identity of Graves. Graves isn’t the only person who isn’t whothey appear to be, as fellow MI:6 agent Miranda Frost is the one who set upBond all along and is working with Moon. Moon intends to use Icarus to cut a path through the KoreanDemilitarized Zone so North Korea could invade South Korea.
Lee Tamahori takes the director’s seat for this one. Prior to this, his notable films were The Edge and the really bad Along Came A Spider (side note, afterthis fall, this may not be the worst Alex Cross film anymore). After DieAnother Day he did garbage like xXx:State of the Union and the embarrassing Next. Bond’s 20th film and 40thanniversary is a big deal and the producer’s knew it. They delayed production so that they couldhit that mark. So why not bring in abetter known director? Why not pairBrosnan back up with Martin Campbell. Pierce Brosnan was championing Brett Ratner for the film, but theproducers wanted a non-American. I won’tsay this about him often, but Ratner would have been a much better choice. Tamahori makes some really weird andnoticeably out of place in the 007 world decisions. To start off, we get a bullet zipping by thescreen during the gun barrel sequence. Thereis also an over abundance of some really weird slow motion at times. The film is marred by a heavy reliance on CGIfor its special effects, lacking in the practical stunt work the 007 series isknown for. The opening titles also try tofeed us some story mixed with the silhouette dancers. This would be fine and not so bad, if theydidn’t use a flashback five minutes after to show us everything that just happenedin the opening titles again. When I usethe word ridiculous, most of that aim is going at Tamahori.
There are a lot of really dumb ideas brought into thefilm. As if starting with James Bondsurfer dude isn’t enough, later in the film he gets out of a situation in aRIDICULOUS kite surfing moment that is pretty much entirely CG. It is REALLY bad and possibly the dumbestmoment in the franchise. A lot of theaction is just too much, over the top and too fantastical. I know there’s been some big over the topstuff moments in earlier films (space, I know), but those were done withpractical, physical effects and stunts. There’s much more enjoyment and charm watching something you know isreal compared to obviously computer generated stunts, vehicles andlocations. Did I mention there’s aninvisible car? Ridiculous. And the one practical action moment thatshould be cool, is just comes off as incredibly juvenile. I love sword fights like everyone else, butthis one has no respect for logic, character or plausibility in the story. Yes, the film forces itself by a few brushlines to acknowledge what just happened, but it shouldn’t have gone to thatplace to begin with.
2/3 of the villains in this one are awful. I’m giving Miranda Frost a pass. Rosamund Pike is pretty good and makes apretty thin character more intriguing and interesting than she should be. And it’s not her fault for that stupid costumeduring the final battle. Gustav Gravesis turned in by a horrible performance by Toby Stephens. I can tell just by this film why I’ve notseen him in anything since. Thecharacter in itself is pretty stupid, but Stephens make it worse with hisRIDICULOUS performance. I feel like I’mwatching the villain in a really bad kids movie from the 80s/early 90s withhim. It’s not campy fun, notso-bad-its-good, just flat out bad. Idon’t have many things to say about Zao other than he is a cool concept, but theactor stinks.
I have been waiting for this moment for pretty much thiswhole series. One of my biggest petpeeves of this film – HALLE BERRY. Imentioned last time I preferred Denise Richards to her. Jinx is something we’ve seen before, a rivalspy from another country. For somereason, Berry can’t bring any credibility to her being this character. She also can’t decide what kind ofpersonality Jinx should have. She’s sotough. Now she’s a damsel indistress. Now she’s a dollar bin Coffy. Ope, now she’s a smitten teen in love. It’s all over the place. Mybiggest beef with her is she tries to blatantly upstage everyone in any sceneshe’s in. It’s rather annoying. Her ego just shines through this wholething. You can tell she’s thinking she’smuch better than she is. And to thinkthey were going to attempt a spin off of this character? NOOOOOO THANKS! We’ve had our share of bad actresses andmiscast women in these films, but nothing as ego driven and determined to stealscenes with every frame which in turn hurts the overall film. At least the other actresses tried to be apart of the whole, rather than try to slit throats on their way to the top.
Also of note that Madonna, someone people long wanted tosing a Bond tune, provides the title song. However, they got Madonna far too late. The Madonna you wanted was in the 90s. Her Razzie award winning song sounds more like a club single remix thana Bond song. Its really weird and doesn't make a lick of sense (Sigmund Freud? WTF?).
Despite my gripes and the fact this film is rather bad, Ihave to say it’s actually watchable. Youwill shake your head and groan throughout, but it’s pure shut your brain offentertainment. The film’s pace reallydoes move and has lots of explosions, crashes, and gunshots to carry to the end. I’m sure there’s a level of fun people canhave with this movie. The film doesstart out with a great concept, but then begins flying off the rails when 007reaches Cuba. I do like glass shatterring gadget and some of the action, while silly, provides some fun. The film also became the highest grossingfilm of the franchise. But, theproducers weren’t too trusting that going on in this direction was the rightmove. And wisely, they chose to move onto a different path with 007.
Brandon Peters will return in CASINO ROYALE
Follow me on Twitter – www.twitter.com/@btpeters
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